Best Letters for Young People Facing Heart Surgery

Someone Gets It

In the face of a heart surgery diagnosis, it’s easy to let your mind wander to the deepest, darkest valley of uncertainty where the demons we often refer to as “possibilities” thrive. These life-and-joy-sucking creatures prey upon the piece of us that is, in that moment, our most vulnerable: peace of mind. When we allow our mind to dwell in this valley, regardless of our strength, the demons will eventually break down our tough exteriors and infuse us with fear and anxiety—two assets that are not beneficial in general, but especially not in an already-stressful scenario.As someone who has faced (and successfully endured) heart surgery, as well as an individual who has learned firsthand the freedom that comes from keeping my mind away from the valley, I realized what a gift it would have been to read other people’s wisdom and encouragement before my surgery experience. What I would have given to read the story of another young woman enduring the same process I went through. While I cannot retroactively surround myself with such wisdom, I can, however, share my story for other people in a similar predicament.

Why aren’t there more stories of success and testimonies of strength?

With as many heart surgeries as are performed every year (every day, even), why is the Internet not littered with letters to heart surgery patients? Perhaps it’s because the topic is a difficult one, the road so weathered by emotion that to walk along it again haunts its travelers.  If you take a moment to consider how many heart surgeries are performed annually, it would be logical to presume that a plethora of resources for this demographic are available. They’re not. Rather, there aren’t many encouraging, supportive resources from other people who have been there. Hundreds of medical articles on what to expect, how to prepare for surgery, and what recovery will look like? Sure, there are plenty of those.But facts are only so effective at constructing the guardrail that prevents your mind from slipping down into the valley. The more effective (and personal) protection is built by means of encouraging words and testimony: stories from other heart surgery patients, recounting the fears and triumphs they experienced. It is through these stories that we begin to see that maybe, we’re not as alone as we thought. Possibly, our story will have the happy ending similar to thousands of other patients. Had I known the wisdom of other young people and been encouraged by their stories, how much calmer would I have been through the process simply because someone else knew what I was walking through?  I relish the opportunity to connect with anyone who understands my story. Although I’m surrounded by kind people who can sympathize with what I’ve endured, it’s a rarity to converse with someone who can also empathize. I was recently in a doctor’s appointment, and as the technician prepared me for the ultrasound, she explained to me the procedure. I laughed, explaining to her that I’d had enough echocardiograms that I could probably perform them myself (a slight exaggeration, but it sometimes feels that way).To my surprise and unusual delight, the technician revealed that she too had a heart defect—the same one I had undergone surgery for. In the next ten minutes of my ultrasound, we connected on so many levels that people without a shared medical commonality cannot—how a heart with a hole can feel “tired” in a way you can’t explain and no one can relate to; how doctors so frequently misdiagnose the disorder and put patients on medications that cause more harm than good; how echocardiograms and EKGs can become as much a part of life’s rhythmic routines as washing the car or back-to-school shopping; how no one seems to fully understand what it’s like to live in our bodies and feel our irregular heartbeats straining to pump life through our veins. 

Heart problems have always been a part of me, and though I’m on the other side of a successful surgery, there is nothing that feels quite as freeing as simply being understood.

It is my hope, reader, to begin creating a space and assembling a collection of letters where this understanding can begin—both for you and for me.These letters may not have the power to cure a heart problem or to lessen the gravity of the situation, but these epistolary testimonies do have other power: the power of connection and understanding and story being woven together in a strong guardrail to keep your mind away from the looming valley of fear. The impact may be small, but oftentimes the tiniest things in life are the ones with the largest impact.I encourage you to read the words of others who have endured heart surgery and take heart (pun intended) in the fact that you're not alone. But more than that, I encourage you to share your story and be the "guardrail" to protect others from wandering into the valley of uncertainty.It all starts with simply being understood.