An Open Letter to Young People Facing Heart Surgery

To young people facing heart surgery,

I've been there.

I know what it is to be passed from doctor to doctor, to be faced with emergency heart surgery, to feel that no one completely understands the panic that grips your heart, and yet at the same time, to feel a sense of relief that what you're feeling has a name and a cure.It's okay to be scared. It's understandable to be uncertain. It's normal to feel like people don't get it. We may never have met, but the bond of our shared experiences and emotions make you my friend, and I love my friends deeply. That said, I hope that having a glimpse of my story encourages you to continue with your own.

Take a moment to breathe, reflect on the events that have led you to this point, and to know that as terrifying as the future may seem, it's often the darkest roads that lead to the brightest destinations.

As I write this, I'm sitting in a coffee shop in downtown Colorado Springs, drinking an Americano, and taking a moment to remember how surreal my heart surgery experience often still seems to me:I have always known that I had a hole in my heart, also referred to as an Atrial Septal Defect (ASD). It was part of my life for 18 years, and though I'm on the other side of surgery, the time frame of finding out I needed surgery and actually having it happened in a matter of weeks.When you have emergency heart surgery at the end of your first semester of college, and then quickly jump back into the rhythm and beat of courses, work, and social activities, there are days when you wake up and think "Oh wow, that did really happen. That was my life." In some ways, you'll feel so far removed from the experience that it will seem a lifetime away, and at other times, you'll find yourself wondering how the span of time has elapsed since your life has changed so fundamentally.But take heart, friend. In the days and moments of joy and nights of tears since my surgery, so much has changed. While the change began at the pinnacle point of having a functional heart, the alterations it imprinted on my life did not come all at once. I expected an immediate transition into the new life I'd been given, and to a certain extent, that was true (easier breathing and fully oxygenated blood, for example.) In many other ways, though, it was a stretching, and at times painful, process (most specifically in the athletic realm.) I expected to come out of surgery with running shoes on, ready to tackle marathons and mountains.

As you walk through this process of surgery and healing, have grace for yourself.

Progress is exciting, and finally feeling healthy can be enough to push yourself to the limits, testing new boundaries of your physical capabilities. But when you inevitably hit the plateau of progress, have grace. Look back on the moments and emotions and experiences that laid the foundation for where you stand today. Be excited for where you're headed, certainly, but never discount how much it's taken to bring you this far.In my life, it has been a steep, uphill learning curve, but...I am strong. I am healthy. And it is a beautiful thing. In the past two years, I've been given a glimpse at the transformation of Jesus: being overwhelmed by his grace, in awe of his goodness, and eager to walk in the fullness of his call on my life.

Friend, while I never would have chosen the route of heart surgery, I have become incredibly grateful for the experience, because through it, I have drawn closer to Jesus and learned to trust him far more deeply than I otherwise would have.

Through it, I am reminded that every day I live is because of his grace, a fact that pushes me to live with purpose. My heart surgery is forever a bittersweet chapter of my testimony, but rather than remembering the fear and pain it brought, I choose to remember it with celebration of a God who gives life abundantly.It is my hope and prayer that you will not only be healed and whole, but also that you would learn to see this experience as new lens with which to view life, that you would take moments in coffee shops to reflect on your story, that you would encounter God in a powerful way, and ultimately, that you would be a catalyst for breaking the silence of heart surgery stories.Be a voice of life and encouragement to all the other young people traveling this path, because sometimes simply being understood is the most beautiful thing. 

With much love from a healed and happy heart,

Micah Radakovich