Book Review: “Will I Ever Be Good Enough?”
Will I Ever be Good Enough? was recommended my counselor in a season of life where I’d drawn hard boundaries in the relationship with my mom. And yet, every day, my brain replayed past words about how she wished she had another daughter, the ways I’d disappointed her, and the characteristics that made me unlovable.
I was sticking to my boundary that I couldn’t be in relationship with her until she truly got help and was ready for healthy relationships, but I couldn’t escape her constant voice in my head, berating me for all the ways I wasn’t good enough.
While I was very familiar with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and its effects on my mom, I was less familiar with clinical narcissism. Will I Ever Be Good Enough gave me greater clarity and understanding that my mom’s illness and behaviors really weren’t my fault.
Book Overview:
This book is specifically written for daughters of narcissistic and/or mentally ill mothers (narcissism is both its own illness and also a hallmark of other illnesses).
The author, Dr. Karyl McBride, is the leading expert on narcism in her field. Her expertise, and background in counseling, are evident through her thorough and approachable descriptions.
Dr. McBride includes abundant client testimonies about life with a narcissistic mother. This variety of voices and perspectives.
Why This Book is Helpful:
If you’re the daughter of a narcissistic or mentally ill mother, this book is for you. Truly.
Reading Dr. McBride’s put words to elements of my thought patterns and family dynamics that I’d never before had the language to describe. Unlike many works on mental illness which seek to describe the illness and how it affects the people suffering from it, Will I Ever Be Good Enough seeks to describe the suffering endured by daughters of mentally ill mothers.
This book strikes a healthy balance between reassuring the reader that she didn’t cause or deserve her mom’s narcissistic behavior while also encouraging her to end the cycle and choose mental health. Since my greatest fear is to become like my mom, abusing and manipulating the people closest to me for my own gain, I found this tremendously empowering. I can both acknowledge that I didn’t deserve her actions and decide that I will be different. I have the power to choose a legacy of mental emotional health, and that’s a beautiful thing.
I will acknowledge that while the writing is very accessible and conversational, this isn’t a breezy read. I initially began reading two years ago, only to be overwhelmed by the weighty truth regarding my story. I finally picked it up again and finished reading a couple months ago. While it still wasn’t easy to read and identify all the ways my mom’s narcissism has affected me, I was in a better place to objectively absorb the information without feeling crippled by the weight of it. I’d recommend giving yourself permission to go at your own pace, rather than rushing through for the sake of finishing it.
What This Book Doesn’t Do:
While this book does delve into narcissistic characteristics (which can stem from mental illnesses such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder), it doesn’t present an in-depth look at how narcissism interacts with specific mental illnesses. While this isn’t the point of the book, it’s worth noting that there isn’t specific information about “Narcissism and BPD” or “Narcissism and depression.”
