A Lenten Prayer

"Lord, let my selfish desires die so I can live out your love."

This is the cry of my heart through the Lenten season. I don't want to live in slavery to my flesh, stuck in the chains it binds me in. Rather, I ask the Lord to let the selfish, sinful pieces of me be burned, like grass, to let new shoots spring life from the ashes.

So often, I speak of surrender, of wanting to walk as a new creation in him. And so often, my actions speak differently. Paul's words of knowing what he ought to do, and yet, doing what he doesn't want to do speak to the deepest parts of my soul (Rom. 7). I know what I ought to do–what I want to do. I seek to love others, to walk in truth, and to follow the Lord's lead.I know what I ought not to do–what I hate.

I struggle to be selfless, to be humble, and to surrender control. Because I am human, this war between flesh and spirit is ever-present. I cannot escape this truth. But I also cannot escape the truth that his love is stronger than my flesh, than my brokenness, than my mess. Through this season focused on dying to self, I want to do just that. He must become more, and I must become less (John 3). To him, I offer the broken pieces of my life and say, "Lord, have your way." 

I've realized that while I want to nail my sinful desires to the cross, to be crucified with Christ, I've had the wrong approach (Gal. 2). Out of a desperation and hatred for the darkness and mess within me, I've desperately tried to rip apart pieces of myself and carry them up the hill of Calvary that I was never asked to walk alone.

In allowing my solo attempt at carrying my cross to usurp Christ's words of, "take up your cross and follow me," I display my selfish pride, rather than the grace of my savior (Matt. 16). If the love I claim to live in is for the sake of another, to lay down my life for another, I've failed: I've laid down my life for my own sake (John 15).

Through this period of Lent, of remembering that I come from dust and to dust I shall return, I seek to lose my life—my selfishness and pride that speak "live for you" instead of "lay down your life"—so that I may find it in Jesus (Matt. 10). I lay it as an offering before his feet, asking him to burn up everything that is not of him and replace it with the new, abundant life he promises to his children (Rom. 12, Joel 2, John 10). 

This is my Lenten prayer:

Lord, let my selfish desires so I can live out your love in the world. Give me the courage to surrender control so I can follow you in carrying my cross, rather than trekking alone. Grant me a right view of myself, helping me see I’m dearly beloved and created for a specific purpose, though I do come from dust.

Teach me what laying down my life and loving for the sake of another truly looks like so that in you, I may find abundant life. Help me to live as a display of your love and grace, not of my pride or self-sufficiency.

Breathe new, abundant life into me. You are my portion and source of life. Jesus, thank you for your perfect sacrifice and for the hope, joy, and new life you offer so I may walk in the fullness of your spirit. Thank you that your love triumphs over all. Amen.