Life as an Enneagram 4

If your life feels like a constant tension between desperately striving for authenticity and independence juxtaposed against wanting to be fully known and accepted for the unique person you are, you might be an Enneagram 4.

What is the Enneagram?

It’s quite possibly the most helpful tool of self-discovery I’ve encountered yet. Unlike other personality tests which seek to type based on behavior, the Enneagram types based on motivations. Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile, co-authors of the 2017 release The Road Back to you: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery, summarize the beauty of the Enneagram so succinctly:

"Ignorance is bliss―except in self-awareness. What you don’t know about yourself can hurt you and your relationships―and even keep you in the shallows with God. The Enneagram is an ancient personality type system with an uncanny accuracy in describing how human beings are wired, both positively and negatively."

There are 9 numbers on the Enneagram, each with sub-types and wings. As I mentioned earlier, I’m a 4.

Enneagram 4s:

This number often gets a bad rap for being the emotional and creative individualist, but learning about my number has been a tremendous aha, peppered with countless “so that’s why I do what I do” moments. Like all numbers, 4s have their pitfalls, but we also have beautiful qualities that make us unique.

The song "Four" by Sleeping at Last is a beautiful and brief synopsis about life as this number.

The Enneagram Institute says of Fours:

"We have named this type The Individualist because Fours maintain their identity by seeing themselves as fundamentally different from others. Fours feel that they are unlike other human beings, and consequently, that no one can understand them or love them adequately. They often see themselves as uniquely talented, possessing special, one-of-a-kind gifts, but also as uniquely disadvantaged or flawed. More than any other type, Fours are acutely aware of and focused on their personal differences and deficiencies."

As with any personality test, it can be hard to type oneself without real-life descriptions of how that personality functions in individuals and their daily lives. Listening to podcasts (Ian Cron's Typology especially) about fours was particularly helpful in my process of accepting this as my number.

From my reading, listening, and research (as well as personal experience derived from being a four), I've been able to nail down some of the best and worst aspects of my type.

Good, bad, and objective traits about Enneagram 4s:

Good:

• Our emotional sensitivity helps us not only describe our own feelings, but also to be aware of and cater to the emotional needs of the people around us.
• With 4s, there's typically an intense desire for independence and individuality (thus the "individualist" label for this type). We want to be our own people and have others around us understand that fact. It's this individuality that steers us from unhealthy co-dependence and drives us to make our own decisions. It also helps us to recognize and appreciate the characteristics in other people that make them unique individuals.
• Fours have a craving for authenticity that often leaves us saying things like, "But is this really me?" We examine our motivations and seek to act genuinely in all aspects of life.

Bad:

• We can take the gift of emotional awareness to an unhealthy extreme, becoming highly sensitive in inappropriate contexts and taking things too personally.
• Fours often have a deep-seated fear of rejection, often believing that when we are fully known (our deep desire), it may lead to rejection. This can lead to a timidity in closer relationships, especially while trust is being established.
• One of the resounding similarities between 4s on the Enneagram is the feeling of being misunderstood and thinking that "no one else understands what I'm going through." In an unhealthy state, this feeling can drive us to isolation.

Objective:

• We have a deep inner desire to feel totally complete and fully known within relationships of all types. Ian Morgan Cron says of 4s that, "I'm okay if you're okay with me."
• We are very attuned to our emotions and are typically able to pinpoint exactly what we're feeling and why.
• We often have creative outlets, both as expressions of individuality and as a way to be emotionally aware.

This was a brief crash course into life as an Enneagram 4, and there are obviously many layers of depth and aspects of personality I didn't cover. However, it's my hope that in developing a deeper understanding of the Enneagram and how people are motivated, you can develop both more grace for the 4s in your life and for yourself.

Helpful Enneagram Resources:

The Enneagram Institute (website with type descriptions and assessment)

The Road Back to You (book and website)

The Road Back to You (podcast)

Typology (podcast)

The Enneagram Journey (podcast)

Sleeping at Last (podcasts about types 1-4)