Humility or Fear?

Fridays are a highlight of my week, not only because they signal the beginning of beloved weekends, but also because I spend them with my dear friend, Hannah. Together, we adventure, drink coffee, and read books that facilitate powerful discussion.We're currently reading Allison Allen's Shine, and a recent theme is still at the forefront of my mind. The premise of Allen's book (she's a Broadway actor) is that we are all performing our roles in God's story, and because of that, we should be equipped to obediently step into said roles.One particular chapter dove into the idea that in order to obey the Lord's calling on our lives, we have to step into the spotlight he's given us. That seems obvious enough, I found myself thinking. However, as I continued to read, conviction began nudging me. (It often seems to happen that way, where the areas we think are the most simple or that we've got the most control over are often the ones the Lord wants to draw our attention to.) As soon as I read this line, I knew this chapter was indeed for me:

"Often feeling and believing that we don't matter—that, on the grand scale of things, it can't possibly matter if we show up to the places of influence God has given us—acts as a convenient escape chute."

Ouch. How often do I stand shoulder-to-shoulder with intimidating circumstances, and after an assessment of my own human weakness, decide that "maybe this calling is for someone else"? More often than I'd like to admit.You see, I've used humility as a shield against my fear for so long, it's become second nature. That [insert thing I've been called to do] sounds scary and overwhelming. I should let [insert name of someone I perceive to be more talented] step into this role because they deserve the credit and would do a far better job than I could.I so often allow my feeling of insignificance, of being such a small piece of the Lord's story, prevent me from living fully and abundantly.  Looking at it from an objective view is cringe-worthy and laughable all at once, but it's so true. I read scripture about walking humbly with God (Micah 6:8), being humble and patient with others (Ephesians 4:2), and valuing others more than myself (Philippians 4:2). These are all true and are things that I should live in accordance with.BUT:

"I sometimes wonder if some of us are taking Scriptures and scriptural principles like these as licenses to stop stepping up to the light and light God has called us to. I wonder if some of us have even redefined humility as invisibility...Humility answers in the affirmative." (emphasis mine)

I often prefer to remain out of sight, using the excuse of humility as a "holy hideaway" from things that scare me. The question that the Lord has posed me with recently, though, is "Will you be brave enough to say yes?" Without his strength, I'm not brave enough, but I want to faithfully step into the new life he's called me to live (Romans 6:4). I take great comfort in remembering that he is the vine, and I am the branch (John 15:4). I don't need to create my source of life or manufacture my ability to bravely reject the fear preventing me from answering in the affirmative. It is my job, rather, to abide in the one who gives life abundantly because the rest will follow.This week, I am choosing to abide in the one who gives me the bravery to say "yes", rather than letting fear confine me to paralysis. Lord, give me the grace and strength to be brave and humble for your glory.